The Informed Parent
The other day I was listening to a game show on the local public radio station and one of the celebrity contestants said something that struck me. The contestant was Monet X Change and what was said was “I’m normally right and what I think makes me right is that I am an informed human being.”
While it was meant in jest, it stayed with me because I believe this statement to be true.
I have received a ton of misinformation regarding my daughter’s education which led us down a difficult road. Led by emotions I put blind faith into people that I now believe were not well ‘informed’. I needed to be a ‘more informed human being’ a ‘more informed parent’ a ‘more informed part of her team’ and I still do!
I made a giant mistake a few years ago regarding her education because I blindly took the advice of a well-meaning advocate. I was emotional, I was mad, I felt that I wasn’t being heard and I felt like I was failing my daughter. I did not gather information to make an informed decision and I delayed her from getting the proper support (by almost 2 years) because of this.
I know that I am right about what she needs because I am informed about her diagnosis. This was not always true because the information was not readily available and I trusted the people that I thought were informed. As I gathered more information, read books, met with professionals and attended conferences I became an ‘Informed Parent’.
However, I took the wrong turn in getting her the proper educational supports.
I hired a lawyer
There is a time for hiring a lawyer. This was not the time.
What I want other parents to know is that there are other avenues that should absolutely be pursued before you a hire a lawyer. I want you to be informed about them, and you should definitely not just take my word for it, do your research!!
Let me tell you what happened for us after we hired a lawyer, it’s a long story, it’s a 2 and a half-year long story, ready?
NOTHING!!!
Maybe not just nothing…anger, isolation, frustration, wasted time, etc. You see, when lawyers are involved conversations between team members become more difficult because of pending legalities. It broke down the team, I lost trust, I lost rapport, I hurt feelings, I bruised egos and I took an environment that could have been facilitated into an agreement to a hostile place. I was already in this place, but I didn’t have to bring them with me.
Why does it take so long?
If your lawyer comes to an IEP meeting, then the school’s lawyer must come to the IEP meeting and it takes forever to schedule that. There is also the time it takes for you to talk to your lawyer, your lawyer to type the email and send it to the school’s lawyer and that lawyer to take it to the school. It must also travel back down the same path. For my situation this took about 3 months, seriously THREE WHOLE MONTHS. And that is for just one piece of communication, meanwhile I am trying to push forward with the proper supports with people who can barely look at me.
I ended up in a most useless place, the Waiting Place!
Please know that I am not bashing the legal profession or special education law, because I am not. There is a time and a place, when all other avenues have been pursued and the team just cannot come to an agreement or the school is unwilling, then by all means take legal action.
But as I have learned, with the correct facilitation, agreements can be made with all parties.
When you have a well-informed advocate, a well-informed parent and a well-informed team it is possible to work together, I have witnessed it first-hand. It is a respectful, proactive and collaborative environment. And you won’t need to bring brownies!!
If you feel like you are not getting what your child needs, there are many organizations available to help you and many of them are free services. They don’t always have all the information and it is okay to seek a second, third and fourth opinion. Make sure you ask the important questions and do your research to see if they are correct. Please do not take the word of just one person, be it an advocate, a teacher, a provider or the special education director – not everyone is well informed!!!!
When agencies, organizations and schools offer parent education you should go. When a guest speaker is invited in to talk about special education GO!!!
Bottom line; when you are informed you will know that you are right, and if they are informed they will know that you are right. And how do you argue that?
You won’t get everything you want, but you will get what your child needs, it may take some time, but God forbid it takes 2 years! (side note, it took about 3 months for a properly informed advocate to get us what she needed.)
P.S.
I feel badly for lost acquaintances and niceties. I feel badly that I hurt feelings. I wish I could take that part back. I also want those people to know that it was NEVER about them, it was ALWAYS about my daughter.
Provides advocacy services in Northeast and Central Pennsylvania
Offers an extensive and in-depth look at school records
Physically attends IEP meetings
Provides informational seminars such as ‘Procedural Safeguards’, ‘Anatomy of an IEP’ as well as transition age self-advocacy workshops.
Provides educational trainings to community service/mental health organizations
Contracts to Children and Youth
Advocacy and educational services
Their website has a section for parents with important information regarding the procedural safeguards notice and resource library for parents.
IEP Facilitation, Mediation and Due Process explanations.
PEAL is an organization of parents of children with disabilities and/or special health care needs who bring knowledge and experience as a resource for education and special health care information and resources in Pennsylvania.
Provide on-site training through-out Pennsylvania. A good place to start if you are new and need basic information about your rights.
Resource Section
Offers assistance at IEP meetings